Spam Poetry

I’m not the first to point this out, but among the hundreds of pieces of spam that accumulate in my Junk folders, which I occasionally sift for valide messages that got marked as spam incorrectly, a few real gems of drivel, nonsense, or prurience turn up. Such a treasure has shown up in my inbox today, a Dadaist poem, or possibly an e. e. cummings tribute, ostensibly about topics in computer programming but actually signifying nothing. Read on for the sound and the fury of spam poetry.

Normally I only scan the titles in my Junk folder, which are often entertaining enough. The illicit erectile drug pitches have good ones, from the randy and encouraging, e.g. “Your woman will be astounded by your tame python” to the self-conflicted: “It seems you wish to have ssex longer, but without any results…” Then there are the pitches for porn, which include the helpful, “When sex life of young teens gets boring, it’s time to ask mature grandmas for help!” and the surreal, “Baton of this princess is very hard and ready for uproar right now!

I just happened to click on this one as I was getting ready to shift-click a pane’s worth of messages into oblivion. This one, I must say, is poetry:

calling the U.S.

by Kirk Godfrey

deep understanding of why else. Something more it struggling with academic Design Patterns, you’ll avoid In a way that makes you But you don’t just so you look to Design
advantage You want to learn about advantage But you don’t just patterns look in Head First book, you know patterns look in
a design paddle pattern. challenging. Something challenging. Something Best of all, in a way that won’t to learn how those

(or worse, a flat tire), patterns look in With Design Patterns, applications. You of the best practices You’ll easily counter with your
You’ll easily counter with your
the patterns that challenging. Something Design Patterns, you’ll avoid support in your own code. somewhere in the world

or on the real relationship sounds, how the Factory who’ve faced the better at solving software design problems else. Something more
In a way that makes you In their native to learn how those will load patterns into your
reinvent the wheel of the best practices
(or worse, a flat tire),

about inheritance might

you have. You know somewhere in the world matter–why to use them, In their native
advantage on your team.
when to use them, how

in between sips of a martini.

you want to learn the brain in a way that sticks. the next time you’re in between sips of a martini.
format designed for the way the latest research in
and why everything

You’ll easily counter with your

, and how to exploit patterns look in when to use them, how brain in a way that sticks.
applications. You brain in a way that sticks. look “in the wild”.
words, in real world (and impress cocktail party guests) design problems

that you can hold your (and too short) to spend own with your co-worker Java’s built-in pattern NOT to use them). want to see how words, in real world
(and too short) to spend
advantage texts. If you’ve read a
You want to learn about
a book, you want a book, you want
you want to learn the

your brain works. Using to do instead). You want design problems, and better you want to learn the (and impress cocktail party guests)
design problems, and better you don’t want to You’ll easily counter with your with
when he casually mentions look “in the wild”. alone. At any given moment, Most importantly, the embarrassment of thinking
Head First Design Patterns
neurobiology, cognitive
(or worse, a flat tire), put you to sleep! We think put you to sleep! We think “secret language” NOT to use them).

your boss told you look “in the wild”. learned by those

same problems. design problems
and why everything design problems the same software and why everything
Best of all, in a way that won’t between Decorator, Facade
(and impress cocktail party guests)

challenging. Something

I’m not sure how to follow that up. I just don’t think I have anything funny enough to say.

As I wrote at the top, I’m not the first person on the Internet to remark on this or to think some spam was worth posting. Time to give up the links (and save you from hitting Google yourself):

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